How to promote the gay agenda as someone who hates coffee and has no money

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Photo by SB Nation

For a community once known for deviating from the norm, queers succumb to many stereotypes. Let’s face it, we can all name a gay man (colloquially known as a twink) who is otherwise incomplete without slightly faded skinny jeans (with cuffs, to ensure maximum ankle exposure to the air), a equally fitted shirt, and of course, an iced coffee (never with animal milk).

Given the importance of assimilation, those who cannot afford a daily, twice-daily, poly-daily, or pan-daily purchase of a frozen dairy delight often face financial burdens, stress, and stress. humiliation. Just for a cup of indigestion!

Alas, while I wish I could reverse the stigma so prevalent in this conformist culture, in my old age, I have come to understand that sometimes stereotypes and rules exist in society for a reason. Women are supposed to stay in the kitchen, because they are better at cooking; they are also beneficiaries of the culture of skirts, bajingos are made to breathe! Like women, struggling gays need to suck it off (even if it’s just a big cup of whole milk with ice cream) and fit in.

I am not assuming that the caffeinated financial burden is non-existent: these are real problems. The eventual ability to buy coffee without constraints should serve as a motivation to become or marry a venture capitalist.

However, for now, follow these simple tips!

Make an initial investment in a Starbucks Grande Iced Coffee for $ 2.65

In theory, one could get that same plastic cup for free by ordering a large ice-cold water. However, it wouldn’t make sense to foster homophobia by annoying a barista, and the inevitable stains in your cup are essential to this plan.

Ask specifically for a straw

Sadly, we live in a time when a man just can’t have a straw. What happened to the customer to be always right? No matter how hard you try to acquire this straw, it is aesthetically essential for you to be able to bite your straw and look at others with judgment.

Here’s where the money is, or rather, where it isn’t (that’s why you care)

Reuse this mug over and over again. Put anything brown and runny in it. Then mix it with any white liquid you may have. Do you have an image in mind? Great! Chocolate milk, right? And no, chocolate milk is not too childish. If it does the trick, it does the trick. Finally, the cup will be so brown that you can never doubt that there is indeed a tasty iced coffee in it.

I concede that my advice can be difficult to follow. Sometimes you may wonder why you are even bothering yourself if the consumption of the drink itself contorts your intestines in such a way that what comes out of it looks more like coffee than what has come in. But at the end of the day you will realize that you don’t really hate coffee, it’s the vaccines and your relationship with your dad that makes you think that.


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